Be in Real Community

God created the universe, and it was good. God created man, and it was good. God gave man a job and a purpose, and it was good. But man was alone. Not good.

We were created for community, not just with God, but with people.

Jesus prayed in John 17:21 for us to be one as He and the Father are one. In Acts 2:44, the believers “were together and had all things in common.” In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul describes the Church as a body with Christ at the head. Every part is significant and has a purpose.

While the world grows more and more “connected,” it also grows more and more lonely.

Many friendships are a mirage. They look like real community, but in reality, they’re just a group of individuals. They lack depth, trust, and vulnerability. They lack collective purpose and camaraderie. They’re just acquaintances.

Many people are overly focused on self-development and finding their individual purpose (and what makes them most happy), but we cannot fulfill our personal call apart from the body. We need the body, and the body needs us.

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT)

How can we grow deep, meaningful friendships?

Identify your core friends (or potential core friends).

You can’t go super deep with everyone. Identify the people in your life with whom you would like to build a deeper friendship. For the sake of core friendships, they should be followers of Jesus.

Note that we’re not ranking our friends here, but we need to identify a few people that we can be ultra intentional and open with. Also note that not every friendship needs to be super deep to be meaningful. Those other friendships can still be genuine and are still important.

Identify the mission.

Without purpose, friendships are temporary and often shallow. They only survive as long as they are convenient, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Not every friendship needs to be deep and lifelong for it to be meaningful.

A collective mission is central to building camaraderie. Comrades are people who do life together, fight for one another, and are willing to make sacrifices to fulfill a common purpose. We see this in the military, sports, and amongst people who grew up in difficult environments. Mutual suffering is a powerful tool for building deep friendships.

While we don’t always envy their circumstances, we envy their friendship. We all long for that “friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 ESV). But those friendships are forged in the fire of the mission, not the comforts of a predictable routine.

But mutual suffering is not limited to physical suffering. It can be found at a university as students study together for a big test or among parents struggling to guide their children. Life is full of difficulties. When we choose to be real with others about our struggles, we invite them into the struggle, and deep camaraderie and friendship is formed.

As followers of Jesus, we have an even greater mission than winning a championship. Our mission was given directly by Jesus – the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). As we strive to know Jesus and to make Him known, we will find and forge friendships that stick closer than a brother; friends who are willing to confront the sin in our lives; friends who will stand in the breach and intercede for us; friends who will not gossip or betray confidence; friends who will fight for us and love our families.

When you live on mission, those are the kinds of people you will naturally find yourself surrounded with, but even so, deep friendship won’t just happen. It takes courage and humility to reach out to others to form a deep friendship. Shame will knock and tell you that you’re not worthy to be their friend. Don’t answer the door. You are worthy of friendship. Be bold. Be real. Reach out to others. Be a friend to them, and you will find and forge real community.

Have fun together.

Without fun, there is no friendship. Just because the conversation is deep doesn’t mean the friendship is. Many small groups go deep in conversation, but because they never do fun things together, the friendships are weak. It’s a mirage. Have fun. Go places together. Try new things together. Build memories together.

The best teams are those who can laugh together just as well as they fight together.

Pray together.

We need people who will stand in the breach to intercede for us and help carry our burdens to Jesus. We need people who will remind us of the truth in God’s word when the lies of the enemy invade our hearts and minds. Regularly praying with and for one another is essential for building core friendships (Acts 2:42).

If you’re committed to pursuing the mission and having fun together, you will build lifelong friendships that stand the test of time and distance. Real community is available for you, but it will require much hard work, humility, and courage.